Sunday, March 28, 2010

13 Scream Queens

In compiling a list of 13 scream queens it was difficult to determine who should be included. First I needed to define what a scream queen is. A scream queen is an actress who stars in a lot of horror movies. A scream queen should be able to convey a sense of terror. Often scream queens are the lone survivor of a horror movie, and so they must be strong willed. They must fight through their fear to conquer whatever is trying to kill them. We need to empathize with the scream queen, and so women who star in horror films always as the villainess can not be the scream queen. Here is my list of 13 scream queens in no particular order.

1) Fay WrayFirst Scream Queen
Though there were other actresses that specialized in horror before her (Theda Bara for example) they were all of the silent film era, thus their screams were never heard. Fay starred in four horror films in the years 1932-3 leading up to her starring role in King Kong. Fay was able to convey an element of terror like no other actress of her time period. Though she starred in over 100 films, the majority of these were not in the horror genre, but for a short time in the 1930s she was the scream queen.

2) Asia ArgentoLegacy Scream Queen
The daughter of the great Italian horror movie director/writer/producer, Asia (pronounced ah-See-ah) did not ride on her fathers coat tails. Though he produced the second film that she was in, it was directed by another great of Italian horror Lamberto Bava. She was only 10 and the movie was a sequel to Demons. She left home at the young age of 14. It was not until she was 18, that she had a starring role in one of her father's films 1993's Trauma. Her father used to read her his scripts as bedtime stories, which no doubt warped her personality. She has starred in numerous other movies, many of them in the horror/thriller genre.

3) Linda Blair Satanic Panic Scream Queen
In 1973 we were given a reason to fear demonic possession. The Exorcist was a blockbuster. People who typically wouldn't go to see a horror film went to see this one. People began to believe in demonic possession. At the center of the film was a 13 year old Linda Blair. In the years since it was released, she went on to revive her role in a sequel, and has performed in many other horror movies. She has even done one spoof of the exorcist, 1990's Repossessed.

4) Ingrid Pitt
Most Horrific Real Life Scream Queen
Ingrid Pitt starred in many horror films in the '60s and '70s, but it was her real life that was most horrific. Three years of Ingrid's early childhood were spent in a Nazi concentration camp during World War II. One can only imagine the horrors that she saw. It was her work in the 1970s with Hammer Films that gained her the most fame. Though her horror career peaked in the 1970s, she has continued to make horror films/thrillers through to the present.

5) Shawnee SmithMost Unlikely Scream Queen
Shawnee's first horror role was in the 1988 remake of The Blob. She has gone on to star in every film in the Saw series to date, but she hates being scared and doesn't like horror movies. She even hosted the VH1 reality show Scream Queens which focused on finding an actress to appear in Saw VI. The fact that she doesn't like being scared, but has to act terrified in many movies leads to her being the most unlikely scream queen.

6) Adrienne BarbeauToughest Scream Queen
One could classify Adrienne Barbeau as she has been so often classified in the past, by her physical assets, but she is more than that. If someone were to classify her in such a way and she would deliver a Tura Satana quality ass whupping. She shows strength in every role that she has played. She was married to John Carpenter from the late '70s through the mid '80s. She starred in The Fog, Swamp Thing, and Creepshow, and she continues to star in horror movies today, playing the tough woman the whole way.

7) Sheri Moon
Most Metal Scream Queen
The first place that the world was introduced to Sheri was in music videos for her boyfriend Rob Zombie's songs. They have married since then, and he has become a horror director. She has gone on to star in his horror films, as well as being an extra in films by horror greats like Tobe Hooper.

8) Tippi HedrenMost Hitchcockian Scream Queen
Melanie Griffith's mom has several Hitchcock roles in her horror heavy repertoire, but it was the gift that Alfred Hitchcock gave Melanie that makes Tippi the most Hitchcockian. Supposedly, Alfred gave Melanie a doll modeled after Tippi in a coffin, which freaked everyone out a bit. Tippi was in The Birds and Marnie, but was also in some episodes of Alfred Hitchcock Presents, as well as horror films by other directors.

9)Virginia MadsenMost Urbane Scream Queen
In 1992 Virginia starred as a graduate student researching urban legends in Clive Barker's Candyman, and her fate as a scream queen was sealed. Before Candyman, she had already starred as the lone woman in Zombie High. She has been in horror movies since, and has always put up the image of an educated woman thrust into horrible circumstances.

10) Rose McGowanSultriest Scream Queen
The only actress to appear in both Planet Terror and Deathproof. Her first somewhat horror role was as Amy Blue in The Doom Generation. She had a big role in Scream that ended in her being crushed by a garage door. She brings a seductive quality in every role that she has, even more than the other scream queens on this list. Hopefully she will continue to steam up the screen in more horror movies.

11) Sigourney WeaverMost Kick Ass Scream Queen
In 1979 we were given a reason to fear space from the hands of Ridley Scott's Alien. We were also given a true kick ass scream queen with Sigourney Weaver's portrayal of Ellen Ripley. She didn't take anything off of anyone, least of all some extraterrestrial with an exoskeleton. She starred in three sequels to Alien. She has been in many horror films since, sometimes as a villain, but always kick ass.

12) Jamie Lee CurtisMost Iconic Scream Queen
Though the slasher film was invented in 1974 by Tobe Hooper with the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, it was not until 1978 that John Carpenter lay down the rules with Halloween. Jamie Lee Curtis starred as the good babysitter, who didn't party or have teen sex. Thus she escaped and lived to fight off her demented baby brother. She returned in four sequels including 1982's Halloween III: Season of the Witch, which had an atypical plot without Michael Myers. She was the go to woman for much of the 1980s for high budget horror.

13) Linnea Quigley
Most Prolific Scream Queen
Linnea's first horror role was in 1975's Psycho from Texas, and she hasn't gone more than three years with out a horror role since. Her most iconic Scream Queen role was as the punk Trash in Return of the Living Dead. One of the most iconic scenes from all horror cinema is her as Trash dancing nude in the graveyard. She has starred in B-movies like Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers and has been an extra in big budget horror like A Nightmare on Elmstreet IV: The Dream Master. At age 51, she continues pumping them out, many on direct-to-dvd. She has been in over 100 movies, many of them horror themed. She may well be able to claim someday that she has been in over 100 horror films.

Heavy Band 007: the PIXIES

Though the Pixies have come into some popularity in recent years, they were not always seen as cool. When they broke up they had few fans, but it seems that every fan made a band. Their break up was sealed with the release of their last album Trompe le Monde, released the day before Nevermind and the "Alternative" music explosion that would follow it. But instead of talking of the end of the pixies, I should probably start at the beginning.
Formed in 1986 in Boston, the Pixies created music that wasn't being heard at the time. It defied classification. It was soft at points, but wasn't pop. It was incredibly heavy in other areas, but wasn't metal. Their music is simple yet complex. The Pixies have a deceptive sound, urging you to turn up the stereo to understand the quiet mumbling only to blast out your eardrums when the chorus comes in.
Black Francis'' vocals were smooth and quiet at times, yet at other times, screaming and electrified. His rhythm guitar adds to the soft and the loud elements.
Joey Santiago's lead guitar lurks around corners like a flasher waiting for his moment to wail free. When he did thrash it was so much heavier than mainstream metal at the time.
Kim Deal's chugging bass line, kept it simple, but was capable of incredible speed.
David Lovering on drums provided the base from which they could mosey or launch off of. He was the only member of the band to actually have traditional training. Playing drums in high school band.
The Pixies sound incorporated elements of pop, blues, bluegrass, hardcore, and at times hip hop.
The Pixies first full length album was Surfer Rosa, and it was released in 1988. It featured the throbbing post punk anthem Cactus. The song has the feel of a track by T. Rex. The tracks Gigantic and Where is my Mind? make the template for what would be alternative music in the 1990s.
1989's Doolittle had 15 tracks equally ready to be singles, provided that they would see no airplay on mainstream radio. Particularly heavy songs on the album include Debaser, Dead, and Monkey Gone to Heaven. Monkey Gone to Heaven climaxes with belting shouts of "...THEN GOD IS SEVEN!" over a jangly screeching guitars and fierce bass and drums.
The Pixies followed up Doolittle with Bossanova. Bossanova featured the post punk thrashing of Is She Weird? a tune which is reminiscent of Bauhaus' Stigmata Martyr. Bossanova also featured the poppy Dig for Fire and the haunting Blown Away. On this album Santiago's guitar playing came to the forefront with more fuzzy wailing than any of their previous albums.
Their final studio album Trompe le Monde featured one of the heaviest songs ever. Planet of Sound featured Black Francis screaming, Joe Santiago's guitar thrashing, Kim Deal's bass chugging, and Dave Lovering's drums pounding. The song is about an extraterrestrial searching for rock music. IT IS A LOUD SONG. Much of the rest of the album is loud as well, including the songs Head On and Space. Overall Trompe le Monde is the Pixies heaviest album. It features a lot of punk and metal riffs.
Normally I don't mention any live albums for the Heavy Band of the Week, but I have to make the exception with Pixies at the BBC. This album features much harder renditions of There Goes My Gun, Is She Weird? Monkey Gone to Heaven and Wave of Mutilation. Released in 1998 Pixies at the BBC has since gone on to become a heavy college rock staple at stations everywhere. When I was married in 2003 I had the whole album on my playlist at the reception. It is one of my favorite albums of all time, even though it is not a studio album.

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Saturday, March 27, 2010

Yoga Skeleton 19

Here's my 19th drawing of a skeleton in a yoga asana. 6th for the year.

Virabhadrasana B
Warrior Pose 2

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Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Ultimate Heavy: Tim Curry

Tim Curry is the ultimate heavy. I know of no other actor who has played so many iconic villains. His first demented role was as a madman in the BBC's production of the tragedy The Duchess of Malfi. A few years later and he was playing one of my favorite antiheroes Dr. Frank-N-Furter in The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Something that not many remember is that in addition to the lead role of Frank, Tim Curry also played the minister in the opening wedding scene. He has played shady roles ever since, including the shiftless Rooster Hannigan in Annie and the thug Bill Sikes in Oliver Twist. As my first memories are of the late 1970s and early 1980s, my first memory of one of Tim's characters was as the devil like Lord of Darkness in Legend. Tim has played characters named after epithets of Satan so many times that it is difficult to count. He has played characters named Satan in a video game, Lucifer in cartoons, and the serpent in a biblical cartoon. He has even played God once...he must have been a sinister God.
He played the butler in Clue. Since the 80s, he has voiced the narrative in religious cartoons and voiced villains in children's cartoons. He voiced Captain Hook in the animated series Peter Pan and the Pirates, a series which took a more in depth look into the J.M. Barrie novel than any of the films have.
In 1990 he starred as Pennywise the Clown in the ABC miniseries It. He provided a whole nation with reason for coulrophobia.
He played Long John Silver in Muppet Treasure Island.
Tim Curry is a master of vicious roles and no doubt he will continue playing the villain in movies yet to come. Two roles that I would like to see him in are Dracula and as the Joker in a Batman franchise yet to come.

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Monday, March 22, 2010

Seattle Drawings 1: Salome

Here's the first drawing in a notebook that I bought in Seattle last May. It's the biblical temptress Salome.
I've drawn skeletons #10 onward in this notebook.

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Sunday, March 21, 2010

Heavy Band 006: Sepultura

In 1984 one of the heaviest metal bands ever was formed in the southeastern Brazilian city of Belo Horizonte. Sepultura was formed by 14 and 15 year-olds, who had a desire to create some of the heaviest music ever. The classical lineup had Max Cavalera, Igor Cavalera, Andreas Kisser, and Paulo Jr. Taking their name from the Portuguese word for grave.
Max Cavalera's singing has been much imitated. Most metal singers with cookie monster vocals want to be singing like him. My message to them, "You are not Max Cavalera. Stop trying so hard or your vocal chords will fall out." Akin to industrial machinery yet somehow organic, Max's voice is truly terrifying. When you add his minor chord rhythm guitar, you get music that sounds truly chthonic.
Max's brother Igor's drumming started out like a traditional thrash drummer's Tommy gun push, but it evolved elements of modern symphonic music and traditional tribal rhythms until his playing became a multibranched tree capable of incorporating any style of drumming.
Paulo Jr. is the only member of the original lineup still touring with the reconstituted band. His down tuned 5 string bass has applied an apocalyptic rumble since the bands early recordings.
Andreas Kisser joined the band in time for their second album 1987's Schizophrenia. His lead guitar's warped shredding has obviously influenced many nu metal bands like KoЯn and Kittie. Andreas and Paulo Jr. are the only two members of the classic lineup to still record and tour with Sepultura.
Sepultura has recorded eleven studio albums, but I will be focusing primarily on the five albums which contained the classic lineup.
Sepultura's second album Schizophrenia was the first to feature what would be the classic lineup. It primarily featured a sound that would come to be called Death Metal. Andreas' relentless shredding can be heard in the instrumental track Inquisition Symphony, as well as the songs To the Wall and Septic Schizo. Max's raw vocals are best seen on Screams Behind the Shadows and Escape to the Void. His singing had not evolved into the roaring growl that would define the voice of Sepultura, and so more variety is seen in his vocals on this album than any other. The song From The Past Comes The Storms is one of the truly great speed metal songs, defining a moment in time. Igor's drumming and Paulo Jr's bass roar throughout, but on From The Past Comes The Storms we hear amazing speed and precision difficult to accomplish with down tuned distorted bass and echoing drums.
Beneath the Remains came out in 1989 and stands as a testament to the power of thrash metal with Slayer's Reign in Blood and Megadeth's Killing Is My Business... and Business Is Good. The intro to the title track is mournful and poignant, lulling you into a comfortable place until the song comes crashing through with more speed and adrenaline than a 2000 foot free fall. The tracks Slaves of Pain and Hungry are blisteringly fast and dangerously aggressive. Overall this album is one of the fastest, most pounding metal albums ever.
With 1991's Arise came the solidification of what would be Max's vocal style. His grizzly, dark growl is seen on the tracks Under Siege and Arise. While the album is pretty fast overall, tracks like Under Siege are slower yet louder. It was a harbinger of what was to come with their next two albums.
Chaos A.D. was released in 1993 and it featured more experimentation than any of their previous albums. Paulo Jr's bass playing was slowed down and featured elements of funk and blues. In addition tribal drumming was introduced at points on several songs. The instrumental track Kaiowas featured Andreas' classic acoustic guitar abilities. Max's vocal style further solidified itself on this album. It seemed that the band was ready to transcend all categories and stereotypes of what it meant to play heavy metal.
Sepultura released Roots in 1996. It is one of the most experimental albums in the history of heavy metal. It featured even more tribal drumming and chanting, slackened guitar strings, more funk elements, and occasional creepy whispering. The song Roots Bloody Roots featured almost all of these elements, along with slowed down sickening tremolo guitar. This album also featured more collaborators than any other, including Mike Patton and Jonathan Davis. There were elements of hardcore and the Xavate tribe from the Amazon basin were recorded singing and drumming in their traditional style. All of these seemingly conflicting elements fused into one of the best albums of all time. The album was one of the few that was both critically acclaimed and commercially successful.
Max Cavalera left Sepultura after Roots and the band hired a sound alike singer. The album Against released after Max's departure is okay, but lacks some of the magic that Sepultura had before. The song Choke is cool, but seems more like it was recorded by a Sepultura cover band. Max's new band Soulfly is also missing some of the magic that the classic lineup had. Estranged from his brother after his departure, Igor left Sepultura a decade later and has since patched up his relationship with Max. The classic lineup of Sepultura has influenced the shape of 21st century heavy metal greatly, and we can always hope for a reunion of the lineup in the future.

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Saturday, March 20, 2010

Yoga Skeleton 18

Here's my 18th drawing of a skeleton in a yoga asana.

Adho Mukha SvanasanaDownward Facing Dog Pose

I'm a little surprised that I hadn't drawn this one before for the blog. My wife suggested it a few weeks ago, but I was sure that I had drawn it.
previous yoga skeletons

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Tuesday, March 16, 2010

More Coulrophobia

In doing my post of the 13 clowns that you should be afraid of, I missed out on the #1 clown killer: Ronald McDonald. He kills more people with his fatty, artery clogging, sugary, diabetes inducing, salty, hypertension pumping, high caloric sludge that is pushed on us as food than all of the other clowns combined. He looks so benign, which is why I didn't think of him the first time around.
He has not always looked so nice: Willard Scott was the first Ronald, and the way he portrayed him would make J.W. Gacy himself shudder. Much of what would become the archetype of Ronald was in Willard's portrayal. The red hair, oversized red shoes, red lipstick extending to his cheeks, gloves, stripes on a red and yellow outfit. He also wore a box on his head and a paper cup on his nose. I think what makes his portrayal of Ronald so creepy is that he is portrayed by Willard Scott. There is a crazy homicidal look in Willard's eyes at all times, and this is only accentuated by clown makeup.
Ronald can't bear all of the blame for our obese nation of people slowly marching towards their own deaths, but he is one of the largest contributing factors. He pushes the junk to us when we are young, just like a drug dealer outside of a schoolyard. Traditionally his commercials were restricted to the realm of commercial children's programming, but in recent years McDonald's has become a major sponsor of PBS kid shows. Now there is a minute long spot before Sesame Street telling of all the good that McDonald's does. Ronald shows kids how to use their imagination in a spot reminiscent of the Reading Rainbow intro.
It is for these reasons that I should have given Ronald McDonald
the #1 spot for clown that you should be most afraid of, instead of Pogo.

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Sunday, March 14, 2010

Heavy Band 005: Sleater-Kinney

Last week I featured a band that didn't have a guitarist until recently, and this week I'm going with Sleater-Kinney, a band without a bassist. I didn't believe that a band could be heavy without a low end until I heard Sleater-Kinney. They had the raw energy of a young Iggy and the Stooges, had guitar licks as clean as Fugazi and as dirty as Motörhead, and they constantly evolved, quitting before they could grow stale.
Corin Tucker's pulsing rhythm guitar helped drive their songs. Her vocals a
re truly awesome, at times sweet as dulce de leche and other times shrieking that would put a Banshee's wail to shame. At times her vocals are raw, and at other times almost seem that they are coming from some 1960s R&B group played through an old hand held transistor radio. Tucker's lyrics could be overtly political, subversively personal, or just plain fun.
Carrie Brownstein was on lead guitar summoning ghosts of Pete Townshend's past, teaching a whole new generation what it is to rock. Her guitar playing alternated between the clean staccato sounds of modern pop punk and the fuzzy thrash of an inhalant huffing garage band. Her backing vocals provide a martial push on songs that were often anti-militaristic.
Janet Weiss joined up after their second album, and provided the pumping, heavy, blasting drum line that completed the band's sound.
Tucker and Brownstein formed Sleater-Kinney in 1994 in Olympia. Initially part of the Riot Grrrl movement, Their music evolved from political punk in the style of Dead Kennedys through until they created a style that could only be considered their own.
Their first album, the self titled Sleater-Kinney debuted in 1995. This album was followed by Call the Doctor in 1996. Both of these albums were aggressive punk with political overtones alternating with the alternative ballads that were so popular in the mid 1990s. Sleater-Kinney had the alternative ballad The Day I Went Away and Call the Doctor had Heart Attack. For harder tunes Sleater-Kinney had A Real Man, Call the Doctor had its self titled track.
Their third album, Dig Me Out had the stirrings of what would become the Sleater-Kinney sound. The title track was a pumping anthem full of distorted guitars, slamming drums and Tucker's unbelievably powerful voice. This was the first album with Weiss on drums and it is in part due to this that this is recognized as the solidifying of their sound.
Sleater-Kinney's fourth album The Hot Rock has more of an indie pop feel than any of their other albums. Songs like Hot Rock, God is a Number, and Get Up have a dreamy quality that isn't seen in such a quantity in any of their other albums.
They followed up The Hot Rock with All Hands on the Bad One. Youth Decay from this album could only be created by Sleater-Kinney's unique sound. Ironclad and the album's title track are heavy, yet vulnerable in a way that only they could create.
Sleater-Kinney's heaviest album was One Beat. While the title track, Remainder, and Combat Rock are heavy enough for me to take those songs alone and consider them an extremely heavy band, they slowed down their tempo for Far Away to Black Sabbath time. Far Away has faster portions, but its heaviness is tied to its slow paced parts, its sheer volume, and its unadulterated anger. Far Away stands as a testament to Sleater-Kinney's heaviness.
Sleater-Kinney's seventh and final album was The Woods. It opened with the rocking The Fox, a song that makes me want to go out and commit acts of destruction. Songs like Jumpers and Rollercoaster push this album forth into extremely heavy realms. While I was sad to see that Sleater-Kinney were going into retirement, I would much rather see them go out on a high note as they did, than to slide into mediocrity. I'm pretty sure that they had a few more awesome albums in them, and maybe we will get a listen if they ever have a reunion.

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Saturday, March 13, 2010


This is my 52nd post. It's also been 52 weeks since I became a father. There are 52 weeks in a lunar year, 13 months. The three Mayan calendars sync up every 52 years. My goal is to eventually have 52 yoga skeletons drawn, and then I will redraw the poses which I am not satisfied with.

Here's my 17th skeleton in a yoga asana.
Garbha Pindasanaembryo in womb pose
Lately I've been working on focus with my Ashtanga practice. I painted my big toenails black to help me focus during the physical part of my practice and have been trying to completely lose focus during savasana. It seems that there needs to be a balance during savasana: losing focus but not having scattered thoughts. The past couple of weeks my practice has become stronger. This is partially due to the focus, and partially getting back into practice.

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Sunday, March 7, 2010

Heavy Band 004: Big Business

In 2005 while DJing at KBGA (the local college radio station), I came across the sludgiest band that I had heard. Big Business came out with their album Head for the Shallow, an atomic scale assault on clean sounding music. With Coady Willis (the man who gave Murder City Devils their driving, demon exorcising drum beat) on drums they have a forceful beat, the kind of drum beat that you don't want to turn your back on. Coady's screaming in the background adds a punk rock element to their songs, almost someone shouting in opposition to a rally. Jared Warren (formerly of Karp) on bass gives them rumbling bass strings reverberating to their maximum, with lots of overdrive. Jared's bass playing is like getting beaten while you're drunk and throwing up... in a good way. Jared's vocals are soulful yet aggressive, at times screaming past the point that he is horse and pushing it even harder. Initially Big Business started out with just bass and drums, with a friend adding a guitar here or there.
Released in 2005 Head for the Shallow featured the heavy tracks Focus Pocus, Easter Romantic, and Technically Electrified, each demanding to be pushed to the loudest volume possible. This album guaranteed that Big Business would never be played on mainstream radio. The album was too heavy for mass consumption, as has been the rest of their catalog.
In 2006 Big business was deemed so heavy that the godfathers of sludge metal, The Melvins beckoned them to become members of the band. Their next tour had Big Business opening for the Melvins, who then had Big Business as members, including two drummers for the most driving, deafening metal around. Jared grew his hair out into an white man's afro, much akin to Buzz Osbourne's.
In 2007 Big Business released Here Come the Waterworks, proving that their first album wasn't a fluke, they really were that heavy. Here Come the Waterworks featured the heavy hitters Grounds for Divorce, Just as the Day was Dawning, Start Your Digging, and I'll Give You Something to Cry About, which showed that they had a sense of humor in addition to their epic heaviness.
Big Business followed up Here Come the Waterworks with their first album with a formal guitarist. Toshi Kasai was officially announced as a member of Big Business in 2008, and played on the album Mind the Drift, released in 2009. Mind the Drift showed that there is no rest for the wicked, and Big Business is wicked. Track like Gold and Final and Cold Lunch allow Toshi some room to show off his metal chops. The Drift is a slow stoner rock song akin to The Doors Five to One.
Though Big Business has released three of the heaviest albums of all time and are awesome and deafening to see live, their best may still be yet to come. Keep them on your radar, and never turn your back on their drum beat.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Yoga Skeleton 16

Here is my 16th skeleton in a yoga asana.
PurvottanasanaIntense Eastern Stretch Pose

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Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Treiskaideka Coulrophobia: 13 Homicidal Clowns That You Should Fear

Finally I have created my list of the 13 most frightening clowns. I started this post a year ago, and finally took the effort to actually write it thoroughly. There are other clowns that could be added to this list, but these are the ones that I came up with last year.

13- Insane Clown Posse ICP should not be feared. Though their lyrics are of murder and debauchery, they are all talk and no action. In his non-fiction book Team Rodent Carl Hiaasen describes how Disney marketed ICP until parental groups objected. Then they dropped the band and another subsidiary of Disney picked them up for distribution. He spends much of the book calling Michael Eisner by the moniker Insane Clown Michael suggesting that the band was cooked up by Imagineers at the behest of Eisner. He speculates that they wrote the lyrics with the intent of stirring up controversy, so that their album would sell well. I don't know whether or not they were created by Disney, but I do know that their homicidal act is just that, an act.

12- Binky from Garfield While he has never killed anyone that we know of, he does have a penchant for torturing animals (especially one cat in particular). Since animal torture is one of the signs of a serial killer, I believe that it's only a matter of time before this sicko starts his murderous rampage. His show consists of large amounts of screaming. In addition, it's pretty creepy that he knows whoever is watching his tortuous show.

11- Sideshow Bob from The Simpsons This clown sidekick ranks pretty low on the list as he has never been able to kill a child that he has attempted so many times to kill. He also has been unable to kill any of the adults that he has attempted to kill, as well as being unable to kill the whole city of Springfield when he attempted. Though he is inept at killing, since he has attempted so many times he has to be included on this list.

10- The Clown Doctors from PeeWee's Big Adventure These clowns rank pretty low on the scale of evil since the only thing that they kill is a bicycle. They do torture Peewee by slowly killing his bicycle though, and they are definitely frightening.

9- "Shoeshine" Tommy DeVito from Goodfellas
In one scene of this movie Tommy asks Henry "How am I funny?.. Am I a fucking clown to you?.." This scene has been spoofed many times proving yes, Tommy is a clown...Not a very funny clown, but a terrifying homicidal one.

8- The Clown Doll from Poltergeist
In the 1970s and 80s Toby Hooper was the master of horror. He invented the slasher movie with The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. In 1982 he directed Poltergeist, and with this he created one of the most frightening depictions of a clown ever. There was a clown doll that the family's daughter had that her brother feared. Near the end of the movie, the clown doll comes to life and attacks him. This clown scared the crap out of me as a kid, and brought fear of clowns to new heights.

7- The Joker The Joker has been Batman's nemesis for 70 years. There have been many conflicting stories of the origin of the Joker. The Joker has also been said to be different people. There have been copycats of the Joker operating while he was in Arkham Asylum. Trying to untangle all of these story lines will give you a headache, but that's kind of the point of the Joker. He killed Jason Todd, who was the second Robin. He paralyzed Barbara Gordon (Batgirl). He has at times been credited with killing Bruce Wayne's parents. Just as he appears differently in the comics, he has been portrayed differently in movies and on TV.

Cesar Romero's portrayal of the Joker in the 1960s Batman TV series is a depiction of the crazy, but not demented Joker. This Joker was common in the silver age of comic books, after much of the violence was sanitized by the Comics Code.

Jack Nicholson's portrayal of the Joker in the 1989 film Batman is a prime example of Joker as a gangster/mob boss. This version of the Joker was pretty common in the golden age of comics.

Heath Ledger's portrayal of the Joker in the 2008 film The Dark Knight is an example of the truly demented, bat shit crazy Joker. This has been a common version of the character since the 1980s, when Frank Miller took over writing Batman.

6-Killer Klowns from Outer Space The campy 1988 classic horror film Killer Klowns from Outer Space featured a gang of extra terrestrial killer clowns that fly around in a UFO that looks like a circus tent. When they kill someone, they wrap them in a compound that looks like cotton candy. The cotton candy substance dissolves the victims so that they can be devoured by the clown creatures.

5- Clown from Spawn
Spawn's nemesis in the comic series is a demon that hides in the guise of a fat clown. Clown's real form is Violator, the oldest of the Phlebiac Brothers, who are charged with raising hellspawn to fulfill Satan's purpose for them.

4- Michael Myers as a Child
Michael Myers from the Halloween movies, he kills his first victim as a child dressed as a clown on Halloween night. His first victim is elder sister, and promptly after killing her he is sent to an asylum. Though he only had one killing as a clown, his adult total with the William Shatner mask added make him a very prolific killer.

3- Captain Spaulding
Introduced in the film Rob Zombie's House of 1000 Corpses, Captain Spaulding uses his roadside attraction to kill tourists, usually city folk. Though the character is seen again in The Devil's Rejects, he doesn't don the clown makeup. My personal favorite part about this clown is how he incorporates his victims into his attraction, as is seen in the case of Fish Boy, who is the Captain's take on the old Feejee Mermaid. As a side note the victim who becomes Fish Boy is played by Rainn Wilson, who plays Dwight Shrute on The Office.

2- Pennywise the Dancing Clown The child killing clown in Stephen King's novel It and the miniseries based on it is terrifying. Like Clown from Spawn, Pennywise is not actually a clown, but a shape shifting beast that takes on the form of a clown to entice children. It then uses their deepest fears to kill them. Pennywise is immortal until killed by adults who were terrorized by it as children.

1-Pogo the Clown aka John Wayne Gacy Pogo is the most frightening clown of all time, because he really did have teenage boys in his crawlspace. Gacy would entertain neighborhood children with his clown character, making balloon animals and doing magic tricks. He would often use some variation of his magic tricks to lure and trap his victims. A favorite trick was showing how to escape from trick handcuffs. After showing this trick he would exchange the trick handcuffs for real handcuffs, trapping his teenage victims with their hands behind their back. They were completely vulnerable to his sexual assaults and murder. Gacy killed at least 33 teenage boys and young men, storing 26 of them in his crawlspace. The stench from below his house became unbearable for his neighbors and he was arrested on July 15th 1978. For the 14 years that he was on death row he painted pictures of himself as Pogo the clown. It is theorized that the setting that he painted the portraits in is a clue to where he buried other victims. In February of 1978 with his crawlspace full he started tossing the bodies of his victims in the Des Plaines River. He was executed with lethal injection by the state of Illinois on May 10th, 1994.

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Heavy Metal Yogi by Nick Matthaes is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.