In doing my post of the 13 clowns that you should be afraid of, I missed out on the #1 clown killer: Ronald McDonald. He kills more people with his fatty, artery clogging, sugary, diabetes inducing, salty, hypertension pumping, high caloric sludge that is pushed on us as food than all of the other clowns combined. He looks so benign, which is why I didn't think of him the first time around. He has not always looked so nice: Willard Scott was the first Ronald, and the way he portrayed him would make J.W. Gacy himself shudder. Much of what would become the archetype of Ronald was in Willard's portrayal. The red hair, oversized red shoes, red lipstick extending to his cheeks, gloves, stripes on a red and yellow outfit. He also wore a box on his head and a paper cup on his nose. I think what makes his portrayal of Ronald so creepy is that he is portrayed by Willard Scott. There is a crazy homicidal look in Willard's eyes at all times, and this is only accentuated by clown makeup. Ronald can't bear all of the blame for our obese nation of people slowly marching towards their own deaths, but he is one of the largest contributing factors. He pushes the junk to us when we are young, just like a drug dealer outside of a schoolyard. Traditionally his commercials were restricted to the realm of commercial children's programming, but in recent years McDonald's has become a major sponsor of PBS kid shows. Now there is a minute long spot before Sesame Street telling of all the good that McDonald's does. Ronald shows kids how to use their imagination in a spot reminiscent of the Reading Rainbow intro. It is for these reasons that I should have given Ronald McDonald the #1 spot for clown that you should be most afraid of, instead of Pogo.
Finally I have created my list of the 13 most frightening clowns. I started this post a year ago, and finally took the effort to actually write it thoroughly. There are other clowns that could be added to this list, but these are the ones that I came up with last year.
13- Insane Clown Posse ICP should not be feared. Though their lyrics are of murder and debauchery, they are all talk and no action. In his non-fiction book Team Rodent Carl Hiaasen describes how Disney marketed ICP until parental groups objected. Then they dropped the band and another subsidiary of Disney picked them up for distribution. He spends much of the book calling Michael Eisner by the moniker Insane Clown Michael suggesting that the band was cooked up by Imagineers at the behest of Eisner. He speculates that they wrote the lyrics with the intent of stirring up controversy, so that their album would sell well. I don't know whether or not they were created by Disney, but I do know that their homicidal act is just that, an act.
12- Binky from Garfield While he has never killed anyone that we know of, he does have a penchant for torturing animals (especially one cat in particular). Since animal torture is one of the signs of a serial killer, I believe that it's only a matter of time before this sicko starts his murderous rampage. His show consists of large amounts of screaming. In addition, it's pretty creepy that he knows whoever is watching his tortuous show.
11- Sideshow Bobfrom The Simpsons This clown sidekick ranks pretty low on the list as he has never been able to kill a child that he has attempted so many times to kill. He also has been unable to kill any of the adults that he has attempted to kill, as well as being unable to kill the whole city of Springfield when he attempted. Though he is inept at killing, since he has attempted so many times he has to be included on this list.
10- The Clown Doctors from PeeWee's Big Adventure These clowns rank pretty low on the scale of evil since the only thing that they kill is a bicycle. They do torture Peewee by slowly killing his bicycle though, and they are definitely frightening.
9- "Shoeshine" Tommy DeVito from Goodfellas In one scene of this movie Tommy asks Henry "How am I funny?.. Am I a fucking clown to you?.." This scene has been spoofed many times proving yes, Tommy is a clown...Not a very funny clown, but a terrifying homicidal one.
8- The Clown Doll from Poltergeist In the 1970s and 80s Toby Hooper was the master of horror. He invented the slasher movie with The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. In 1982 he directed Poltergeist, and with this he created one of the most frightening depictions of a clown ever. There was a clown doll that the family's daughter had that her brother feared. Near the end of the movie, the clown doll comes to life and attacks him. This clown scared the crap out of me as a kid, and brought fear of clowns to new heights.
7- The Joker The Joker has been Batman's nemesis for 70 years. There have been many conflicting stories of the origin of the Joker. The Joker has also been said to be different people. There have been copycats of the Joker operating while he was in Arkham Asylum. Trying to untangle all of these story lines will give you a headache, but that's kind of the point of the Joker. He killed Jason Todd, who was the second Robin. He paralyzed Barbara Gordon (Batgirl). He has at times been credited with killing Bruce Wayne's parents. Just as he appears differently in the comics, he has been portrayed differently in movies and on TV. Cesar Romero's portrayal of the Joker in the 1960s Batman TV series is a depiction of the crazy, but not demented Joker. This Joker was common in the silver age of comic books, after much of the violence was sanitized by the Comics Code.
Jack Nicholson's portrayal of the Joker in the 1989 film Batman is a primeexample of Joker as a gangster/mob boss.Thisversion of the Joker was pretty common in the golden age of comics.
Heath Ledger's portrayal of the Joker in the 2008 film The Dark Knight is an example of the truly demented, bat shit crazy Joker. This has been a common version of the character since the 1980s, when Frank Miller took over writing Batman.
6-Killer Klowns from Outer Space The campy 1988 classic horror film Killer Klowns from Outer Space featured a gang of extra terrestrial killer clowns that fly around in a UFO that looks like a circus tent. When they kill someone, they wrap them in a compound that looks like cotton candy. The cotton candy substance dissolves the victims so that they can be devoured by the clown creatures.
5- Clown from Spawn Spawn's nemesis in the comic series is a demon that hides in the guise of a fat clown. Clown's real form is Violator, the oldest of the Phlebiac Brothers, who are charged with raising hellspawn to fulfill Satan's purpose for them.
4- Michael Myers as a Child Michael Myers from the Halloween movies, he kills his first victim as a child dressed as a clown on Halloween night. His first victim is elder sister, and promptly after killing her he is sent to an asylum. Though he only had one killing as a clown, his adult total with the William Shatner mask added make him a very prolific killer.
3- Captain Spaulding Introduced in the film RobZombie's House of 1000 Corpses, Captain Spaulding uses his roadside attraction to kill tourists, usually city folk. Though the character is seen again in The Devil's Rejects, he doesn't don the clown makeup. My personal favorite part about this clown is how he incorporates his victims into his attraction, as is seen in the case of Fish Boy, who is the Captain's take on the old Feejee Mermaid. As a side note the victim who becomes Fish Boy is played by Rainn Wilson, who plays Dwight Shrute on The Office.
2- Pennywise the Dancing Clown The child killing clown in Stephen King's novel It and the miniseries based on it is terrifying. Like Clown from Spawn, Pennywise is not actually a clown, but a shape shifting beast that takes on the form of a clown to entice children. It then uses their deepest fears to kill them. Pennywise is immortal until killed by adults who were terrorized by it as children.
1-Pogo the Clown aka John Wayne GacyPogo is the most frightening clown of all time, because he really did have teenage boys in his crawlspace. Gacy would entertain neighborhood children with his clown character, making balloon animals and doing magic tricks. He would often use some variation of his magic tricks to lure and trap his victims. A favorite trick was showing how to escape from trick handcuffs. After showing this trick he would exchange the trick handcuffs for real handcuffs, trapping his teenage victims with their hands behind their back. They were completely vulnerable to his sexual assaults and murder. Gacy killed at least 33 teenage boys and young men, storing 26 of them in his crawlspace. The stench from below his house became unbearable for his neighbors and he was arrested on July 15th 1978. For the 14 years that he was on death row he painted pictures of himself as Pogo the clown. It is theorized that the setting that he painted the portraits in is a clue to where he buried other victims. In February of 1978 with his crawlspace full he started tossing the bodies of his victims in the Des Plaines River. He was executed with lethal injection by the state of Illinois on May 10th, 1994.
Dracula is the most portrayed fictional character in the history of film. Based only in name upon a 15th century prince, the character was created by Bram Stoker for his novel Dracula. Every actor to play him has further influenced our image of him. Here are thirteen men that have taken on the Dracula name.
Bela Lugosi's portrayal of Dracula in the 1931 film directed by Tod Browning influenced what most American's think of when they think of Dracula or vampires in general. He honed his portrayal on the stage in the Broadway production of Hamilton Deane's play Dracula. It is his Hungarian accent that we think of with "I vant to suck your blood." It is his portrayal that influenced the creation of the Sesame Street Muppet Count von Count. It is Lugosi's portrayal that all others think of when they prepare to play the Count. It was his portrayal that was thought of when the post punk band Bauhaus wrote Bela Lugosi's Dead.
2) Christopher LeeMost Prolific Dracula
ChristopherLee has portrayed Dracula more than any other actor. He portrayed the count in at least 10 films between 1958's Dracula and 1973's The Satanic Rites of Dracula. Most of the films were produced by Hammer Films, and he is the second most thought of actor in the role after Bela Lugosi.
3) Gary OldmanCoolest Dracula or Most Bad Ass Dracula
1992 saw the release of Francis Ford Coppola's Dracula. One of the best portraits of Dracula comes from this film. Gary Oldman was perfect as both the aged Dracula in his castle and the young Dracula, prior to becoming a vampire and after feeding in London. As the young Dracula, he is the coolest; as the aged Dracula he is the most bad ass.
4) Frank LangellaSexiest Dracula or Most Disco Dracula
In 1977 a revival of Hamilton Deane's Dracula opened on Broadway with sets and costumes by Edward Gorey. Frank Langella was cast in the lead role of Dracula. Two years later he starred in a film version, and the steamiest Dracula was born. Langella has refused to portray a vampire in any of the films that he has made since, in order that he not be typecast. Thankfully for us he made this movie.
5)John CarradineMost Waspy Dracula
The 1945 film House of Dracula features John Carradine in the most waspy portrayal of Dracula ever. Carradine's portrayal is noteworthy, because it is the most emotionless.
6) Udo KierCreepiest Dracula
Released in 1974 Blood for Dracula is also sometimes known as Andy Warhol's Dracula, because he produced the film. Blood for Dracula was written and directed by Paul Morrissey, who did most of Andy's films. In the movie, Dracula needs to find a virgin to feed from in order to grow younger. Though the film isn't the best Dracula movie, Udo Kier's performance is the creepiest of any Dracula.
7) Gerard ButlerMost Heretical Dracula
In 2000 the film Dracula 2000 was released and it bombed. A then unknown Gerard Butler starred as Dracula, and most of the other actors in the film weren't known at the time, but have become stars since. The reason that this Dracula is the most heretical is that he is also Judas Iscariot, the betrayer of Christ.
8) Zandor VorkovCheesiest Dracula
In the mid 90s I ran across this movie on late night TV. Released in 1971 Dracula vs. Frankenstein is important in the history of horror movies in that it was the final film Lon Chaney Jr. starred in. The movie is sincere in its attempts to scare but is funny instead, which is why it is cheesy. The movie wasn't produced by, but was distributed by Troma, the masters of schlock. Dracula doesn't appear until midway through the movie. When he does appear he is portrayed by Zandor Vorkov, who looks like Dracula if he were portrayed by Phil Lynott from Thin Lizzy.
9) Jack PalanceMost Intimidating Dracula
In 1973 Jack Palance starred in a made for TV movie Dracula. The movie incorporated elements of Radu Florescu's research into the real Dracula to the story from Bram Stoker's novel. Palance brought a very intimidating presence to the role, as he did to every role that he played.
10) Leslie NielsenFunniest Dracula
In 1995 Mel Brooks released his take on Dracula with Dracula:Dead and Loving it. In addition to being the funniest Dracula movie to date, it actually was pretty close to the book. In fact, this movie was closer to Bram Stoker's original story than 99% of the movies that have been made.
11) George HamiltonTannest Dracula
Dracula is supposed to be swarthy. George Hamilton isn't swarthy, just over tan and waspy. In the movie Love at First Bite he portrayed the bloodthirsty Count in the campiest offering ever. Released in 1979 I remember this film as a staple of late night movies in the 80s and 90s. Since the humor was intended, it can't be considered cheesy. Though this movie was somewhat funny, it was not the laugh riot that Dracula:Dead and Loving it was.
12) Raúl JuliáCoolest Unseen Dracula
In 1978 Raul Julia replaced Frank Langella in the Broadway production of Dracula. Though he never played the Count in movies or on TV, I think he probably made an excellent Dracula on stage and that he would have been excellent in a movie.
13) Vlad ŢepeşMost Real Dracula
Bram Stoker's inspiration for his bloodthirsty count was taken from the Romanian legendary hero. Only in Romania would they have this man as a national hero. Nicolae Ceausescu took the research done by Radu Florescu and Raymond McNally and twisted it into a propaganda that glorified the violent medieval prince. It made Ceausescu seem a little less wicked to be compared to such a "hero". The name Dracula is Romanian for "son of Dracul(Dragon)". This was due to his father being a member of the medieval order of the Dragon, a society pledged to guard the Holy Roman Emperor. Dracula's father sent him to be held by the Ottoman Emperor as collateral. It was a cruel age he lived in and he was perfectly suited to it.
Forrest Ackerman did more for science fiction than anyone else in the 20th century. He guided numerous writers, helped organize the first conventions, and was even Ed Wood's agent. It would be impossible to list his many accomplishments relating to sci-fi, thus I will focus my tribute to him on two of his most notable accomplishments: Famous Monsters of Filmland and Vampirella. Both of these were were created by both Ackerman and James Warren.
A little backstory is needed to understand why these two magazines were so important to sci-fi. In 1954 the Comics Code Authority was founded, censoring what could be published in comic books. It was theorized by Fredric Wertham that violence and gore in comics had a causal link to juvenile delinquency. Much the same argument is taken with video games, rock and rap music today. For an explaination of my opinion of this argument see here. If media were able to influence society to commit horrendous acts, then there would be massive spikes in violence relating to the release of this media. There isn't... Of the millions of teens entertained by violent comics, video games, et cetera, there is only a very small minority that will actually be violent. This is because people that are prone to violence will be violent no matter what media they are exposed to. Hitler was a big fan of classical music, especially Wagner, yet no one argues that classical music causes violence and genocide, or that the opera Tristan und Isolde should be banned from performance. There could even be an argument that it could cause teen suicide, since that is what the two main characters do in the opera. Because of the Comics Code, many horror comics that were popular in the 1950s were banned. This includes Tales from the Crypt and the Vault of Terror.
Therehad to be a way to get the kids the sci-fi/horror monsters that they craved. Lord knew that there was a market for the comics prior to their ban. In 1958 Forrest Ackerman created, with the publisher James Warren, Famous Monsters of Filmland.The reason that they were able to publish a magazine that featured terrifying monsters and horrific stories was because it was a magazine. The Comics Code only had jurisdiction over comic books. A little loophole gave Ackerman the ability to expose a new generation of kids to the horror movies that he so loved as a kid. The original Famous Monsters of Filmland ran for 25 years, covering numerous contemporary horror movies as well as the classics. The magazine also had short horror comics in them.
Ackerman weakened the Comics Code with the publication of Famous Monsters of Filmland, and also showed other publishers that there was a market for just such a magazine. Soon there were many others that were copying Warren Publishing's success hit, but none were as great as the original. Sadly in the 1970s Famous Monsters began copying older articles and it became irrelevant in the world of horror. In 1983 it ended its run, only to be resurrected in 1993 with the help of Ackerman. The new Famous Monsters were never as great as the classic run. Classic Famous Monsters editions can still be found in used bookstores, but the really good ones from the 50s-60s are more difficult to find than the 70s magazines. The magazines from the 70s are still good though, and since they have many of the great articles from the 60s they're a pretty good read.
The Comics Code was weakened, but horror themed comics could still not be published. In 1969 Ackerman decided that the Comics Code was irrelevant and so he created Vampirella for Warren Publishing. Vampirella was first drawn by one of my personal artistic heroes, Frank Frazetta. Frazetta painted the covers for Vampirella and other artists drew the interiors. Vampirella differed from the traditional vampire in that she was from another planet, a planet completely inhabited by vampires. The name of the planet was Draculon. Vampirella was also different in the fact that she was a heroine who came to earth to punish evil vampires from her home planet who crashed on Earth and were running amok. This new science fiction version of a vampire was something that had never been seen before in vampire mythos. In the Vampirella comic there were several other horror stories along with the continuing story of Vampirella herself. Forrest J. Ackerman was one of the great proponents of science fiction. He was an innovator who changed classical mythos. Anyone who enjoys sci-fi or horror owes a great debt to Forry for his advocacy and creations within these genres. His collection of science fiction and horror memorabilia was rivaled by none other. He was a great man and will be missed.
In doing my post of the 13 clowns that you should be afraid of, I missed out on the #1 clown killer: Ronald McDonald. He kills more people with his fatty, artery clogging, sugary, diabetes inducing, salty, hypertension pumping, high caloric sludge that is pushed on us as food than all of the other clowns combined. He looks so benign, which is why I didn't think of him the first time around.
Much of what would become the archetype of Ronald was in Willard's portrayal. The red hair, oversized red shoes, red lipstick extending to his cheeks, gloves, stripes on a red and yellow outfit. He also wore a box on his head and a paper cup on his nose. I think what makes his portrayal of Ronald so creepy is that he is portrayed by Willard Scott. There is a crazy homicidal look in Willard's eyes at all times, and this is only accentuated by clown makeup.
