Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Sequels and Remakes: '80s TV Edition

I am finally doing another post on sequels and remakes, for the first post on Disney cartoons, see here. There are countless movies in recent years that are remakes of TV series from the past. When I came up with the idea for this post last year, I wanted to do one on The A-Team, unfortunately there is a movie in production that is a remake of the series. This is my take on some remakes that could be made.

10- Night Court This movie is different from the TV series in that it is no longer a straight forward comedy, but a gritty ironic comedy that follows the lives of the people that work in the court, as well as people arraigned in the court. There are many gritty scenes that make you feel sorry for the people involved.

9- Cheers Modern movie producers have decided that an ex alcoholic who owns a bar was too depressing, as was the location of Boston. They decided to move the scenery bar to LA. The patrons are far from the working class schlubs in the TV series, now the clientele consist of music producers, people in the movie industry and models. Sam's favorite come on is that he is a casting director who can help actresses with their career. Sam readily drinks, but never appears drunk. The bar maids are no longer surly like Carla, but are extremely attractive. There are many gross out jokes and sexual humor.

8- Perfect Strangers The foreigner Balki Bartokamous is portrayed in a much more offensive manner (picture Borat). His cousin is portrayed as an equally offensive flamboyant gay man. Do not watch this film unless you appreciate truly tasteless movies.

7- Alf
This movie turns the sci-fi/comedy into a sci-fi/horror/comedy. Initially the furry protagonist doesn't harm the family that takes him in, but neighborhood cats keep being found mutilated. Talks of the chupacabra abound. The family doesn't suspect a thing until their nosy neighbors start being found disemboweled. Alf finally attacks the family who took him in. And only the young boy of the family is able to survive. He does so by destroying the beast, who will only regenerate and come back for countless sequels. Look for tons of ironic pop cultural references.

6- The Facts of Life A musical adaptation of the sitcom. Produced by Disney with the attempt to ride on the coattails of High School Musical. All of the students at the all girls school are attractive. There is no overweight Natalie, or a tomboyish Jo, Tootie doesn't have braces, and even Mrs. Garrett is pretty attractive. The same jokes are made, though they no longer make sense. No lessons are learned, except through song. Everyone is happy and enjoys each others' company.

5- WKRP in Cincinnati Attempting for an accurate portrayal of the goings on at a modern radio station. Unfortunately many things have changed. There are only three DJs, a news director, a station manager, and a receptionist. Most of the sexual innuendos toward the receptionist have been done away with, so that no one will have sexual harassment charges filed against them, and the DJs are only in for a few hours a piece on Monday to record their filler which is added to computer generated playlists. The one on air personality who is in daily is the news director, who is in for one hour per day to record news snippets.

4- Magnum PI The remake of this classic show is played for ironic humor and has Will Ferrell cast in the leading role. Many jokes are made pertaining to Magnum's hairy chest, with Will wearing a gorilla suit in several scenes. It's the traditional slapstick fare that will only appeal to those with an IQ below 70, with most jokes made just on the differences in style between the 1980s and today.

3- Small Wonder
The movie adaptation of this 1980's gem has a scientist creating a little girl robot not to have a daughter for his family, but creating a vicious man killing robot to entrap and kill internet predators. He implants a number of weapons in her including: heat vision, electric touch, and incredible robot strength. The movie is a combination of Bionic Woman and Hard Candy. She is destroyed at the end, but is restored in countless sequels.

2- Bosom Buddies In the film adaptation Kip and Henry decide to move into a women's only apartment building, by dressing and posing as women in order to live there. The similarities to the TV show end there, as they've turned it into a gross out comedy in order to make bank at the box office. Look for Kip and Henry to be trapped in areas with women who are doing the most disgusting stuff: big women who have explosive diarrhea, bodily fluids abound, and maybe even some menstrual humor.

1-Dallas: Who Really Shot JR? Dallas was the quintessential 1980s Prime Time Soap Opera, and Who Shot JR? was the ultimate cliffhanger for the series. In the remake of the series for the big screen a new plot is thrown in. In the movie, JR is given the chance to either be killed or for his brother to be killed. This option is given to him by Frank from Donnie Darko, who we now discover is a time lord and incarnation of the elder god Yog Sothoth. The movie runs like an ironic It's A Wonderful Life with JR deciding that it's no big choice for Bobby to die in his place. It then comes out that the Yog Sothoth will allow Bobby to live, and that it will only appear to be a dream. No lessons are learned in this big screen adaptation.

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Heavy Metal Yogi by Nick Matthaes is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.